Problems on the Blue Line

May 28, 2009

It was bound to happen sooner or later, and the week after Memorial Day is as logical a time as any:  The start of the Summer Traffic Nightmare has officially begun!  As I was waiting on the Van Dorn Metro Station platform I knew I was screwed when the train stopped just before it entered the station and waited there for five minutes.  I could see the train, so close yet so far away, mocking me, taunting me by waiting just out of reach…then, when it finally came into the station I saw that every single car was packed to capacity.  I, along with a thousand others, shuffled onboard in that awkward way that says, “I’m trying to be courteous but please move your fat ass so I can get on!”  I staked my claim (near the center I might add!) and waited for the doors to close…and waited…and waited…until…nothing happened.  No word from the conductor, no explanation, we simply sat there.  For five minutes.  Waiting.  Finally, the doors closed and we slowly lurched out of the station.  And then stopped.  And then lurched some more.  And then stopped.  This continued on for another…oh, let me see…hell, it’s probably still going on!  What normally takes me 15 minutes took 45, but that wasn’t the worst.  The worst were the two early twentyish people in my car who COULDN’T SHUT THE HELL UP!!!!  The entire friggin’ time he was standing there, cracking jokes about his workplace to this girl who apparently works with him, and while his jokes were irritating enough, her incessant giggling made it even worse!  That guy was either the funniest son-of-a-bitch on the planet, or she’s a moron who laughs at everything.  Everyone in the car was getting agitated, and I really wanted to shout out, “Dude!  Get laid on your own time!”  Finally, mercifully, we pulled into the Crystal City Station and the shuffle began again, except that no one seemed to be making any progress.  The car and the platform were both so filled with people that there was no place to move!  Sure enough, the next thing I hear is “Doors closing,” followed shortly by, “Stand back to allow the doors to close,” followed by, “Get the hell out of the way so I can close the damn doors!”  By this point I had managed to get out of the car.  Granted, it involved pushing some children out of the way, going around a fat guy, and knocking down a a paralyzed midget, but I got out.  (Thanks George Carlin for the tip!)  On my way out of the station I slammed my smart card against the card reader as a way of expressing my displeasure.  I think the reader enjoyed it.


One comment

  1. I had a similar experience this morning, but with less lurching and more douche. ‘Tis the perils of ye olde Blue line. Just be glad you didn’t have to give up your seat to a lazy blind chick.

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