Archive for January, 2011

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State of the Union

January 26, 2011

Just a few quick thoughts since I’m fighting some sort of throat thing:

1.  I wish I got congratulated at my job for sitting next to people I don’t like.

2.  It takes serious balls to wear John Boehner’s tie.  Seriously.  Does he refer to his two testicles as the senate and the house, because that’s how big they would need to be to pull off that tie.

3.  I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again:  The problem with Republicans is they never do what they say they’re going to do.  The problem with Democrats is they always do what they say they’re going to do.

4.  Obama punked out on the deficit session.  I got all excited when he started talking about the need to address the major sources of spending and not focus on the piddly stuff.  Then he got stuck in that rhetorical swamp of a simile when he started talking about how you don’t remove the engine of a plane in order to make it lighter.  Hey, Obama speech writers – here’s a free one for next year:  If you’re a family trying to balance your budget, you start with the big ticket items like your mortgage and car payments, you don’t focus on how much you spend on cat food or toilet paper.

5.  Republican’s are full of crap.  I know this because in their ‘Pledge to America’ they said that all discretionary spending would be eligible to be cut.  Now they’re claiming that defense spending is, as usual, sacrosanct.  I hate to break it to you, but defense spending falls under the category of discretionary spending.  You want to save 100 billion dollars?  No problem – cancel the 2nd engine for the JSF, DDG 1000, EFV, and FCS, and you’ve easily got your savings.  Instead, they hone in on piddly little line items like the NEA or housing assistance, things that all put together don’t even begin to equal one useless defense project that, because it’s built in someone’s district, is suddenly off limits.  Like I said, full of crap.

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good karma or lucky tie?

January 25, 2011

Either I had some good karma that needed to be cashed in or it was just a matter of me wearing my lucky tie, but today there was no one on the metro and, even more impressively, only one person in line at the dunkin donuts (normally there are twenty).  Now if only my sore throat would go away…

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2010 in Review

January 2, 2011

2010 Year in Review

January:

We started off the year with dance lessons.  Chris and I had talked about taking dance lessons for a while so I got her a gift certificate for a free trial lesson at a nearby Arthur Murray.  The lessons were great – they effectively combined the awkwardness of middle school with the high pressure sales tactics of a car salesmen.  Naturally, we signed up for more and soon were well versed in the foxtrot, waltz, and a whole host of others I’ve already forgotten.  Money well spent…

February:

I get my work shoes resoled.  This was the best February had to offer.

March:

I discover Mr. Kim’s custom tailoring at Springfield Mall, thereby assuring that whatever the advertised price is, I’ll end up spending $100 more on every piece of clothing I purchase.

April:

Golf season starts at Pinecrest, an underrated nine hole executive course near our condo.  It’s refreshing to know that after years of playing I’ve finally reached the point where I can take five months off and come right back to the level where I left off:  Crappy.

On another note, I successfully impregnate my wife.  On the first try.  Three months earlier than expected.  You know how some Doctor’s say, “Oh, it can take up to six months after going off birth control to get pregnant.”  Uh huh.  That’s OK though – just think of it as pre-season.  That happened to count.

May:

We go and spend a weekend in West Virginia with my parents and friends.  We cleverly hide the fact that Chris is not drinking by filling up an empty vodka bottle with water.  While this successfully fools everyone, it also convinces my Mom she can handle a lot more Vodka then she thought.

Chris and I go to a college friend’s wedding in Durham, NC.  Incredible trip!  Everyone stayed at an amazing bed and breakfast that was also the location of the reception.  In addition to seeing all our old college friends as well as meeting new ones, I also got my first chance to play wedding photographer!  The bride, after seeing the size of my…camera…asked me to take some pre-wedding shots as well as candid ones of the party.  I daresay, they turned out incredible and gave me the confidence to believe that I could actually do this sort of thing professionally one day.  Oh, and I also had a hole-in-one.  Really.  And if that wasn’t enough…

The other highlight of the trip was when Chris woke me up at 2am Saturday morning to inform me that she had one of her occasional monster headaches. I, who was sound asleep thanks to a couple of drinks I had put away earlier in the evening, did not immediately recognize this was a problem, since normally she just takes Aleve and the problem goes away.  Pregnant women can’t take Aleve.  So, we spent the next two hours driving around Raleigh-Durham at 2am looking for some sort of convenience store that was open and sold Tylenol.  A couple lessons learned from this experience:  1) Raleigh-Durham has got some pretty interesting night life – namely, gangs.  2) Not a lot is open at 2 in the morning in Raleigh-Durham.  3) Always carry Tylenol.

June:

Emboldened by my success as a wedding photographer, I start my own website:  www.maxwellphotographydc.com.  It’s an instant success and I become so overwhelmed by the number of photography jobs that I quit my day job and devote myself fully to photography.  Then I wake up and realize I’m mindlessly updating yet another PowerPoint that I know will never actually see the light of day.  There is one perk though to my current job – I get discounts from Dell, which I use to purchase a new laptop that can actually run the software I use for my photography.  Small steps…small steps…

Oh yeah, we also told the family at Father’s Day that Chris was pregnant.  Still regretting that decision…

July:

It was hot.

August:

Still hot.

September:

Baby showers, birthdays, anniversaries, and bogus work trips to Utah!  First Chris had her birthday on the 20th, then our 5th anniversary on the 24th, and on the 25th she had her first baby shower at my parent’s house.  Expertly planned and executed by Lynette and Meghan, it set a new standard for baby showers.  In the days leading up to her shower I managed to finagle work to pay for a bogus trip out to Utah to watch a demonstration of a Railgun, but in reality I was getting the travel bug and really just wanted a few days of hiking and enjoying the outdoors.  Gee, I sure am blessed to have such an amazing wife that she allows me to go on bogus work trips to Utah while missing her birthday…

October:

Baby shower part 2.  We drove up to Syracuse for her side of the family’s baby shower.  It was…traditional.  While the ladies enjoyed their luncheon of finger sandwiches and afternoon tea (I’m assuming that’s what they had) and shared tips on cross-stitching (I’m assuming that’s what they talked about) my father-in-law and I played nine holes at the country club.  It was an enjoyable outing, especially when we teamed up with the father and son twosome in front of us.  The most satisfying moment was when my father-in-law offered some friendly advice to the kid (who was there trying out for the local college’s golf team) that there was a hidden water hazard in front of the green.  The kid nonchalantly replied, “I think I can carry it,” and proceeded to hit a massive fairway shot that cleared the water and landed ten feet from the pin.  Not to be outdone, my father-in-law decided to go for it, and promptly dropped the ball right into the pond.  I may not be able to out-hit my father-in-law, but I’ve accepted that watching someone else do it is equally satisfying.

November:

Baby furniture arrives and our beautiful and cozy study becomes a nursery.  All the furniture is taken to my parents.  Except for the bookshelves.  Those aren’t going anywhere.  It took me three years to finally finish them and no one, not even my own child, will get me to take them down.  The kid will just have to grow up staring at books with kid friendly titles like, “Islamic Terrorism,” “Shades of the Quran,” and “The Terrorist Next Door.”

December:

My office moves back to the Pentagon.  In true Navy fashion, the corridor we move to doesn’t have any working water fountains, which actually is a good thing since the toilets don’t work either.  I’m sure they’ll get it worked out any day now.  Not that it really matters to me since I get a new job!  I start the end of January, which is one thing to look forward to in 2011, the other of course being our baby, which, since he/she missed the chance to give Daddy a tax break for 2010, I’m starting to question whether or not he/she is really my child…I guess we’ll find out pretty soon…

Here’s to 2011 – to a new job, a new baby, and a whole lot of new memories!