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Things I should care about but just don’t…

February 24, 2011

Here’s a quick synopsis of all that’s apparently wrong with the world and why I just can’t bring myself to care:

1.  The Middle East:  For a very long time, the Middle East was my thing.  I lived there for a few months, I studied it in college and grad school, I deployed their twice, and I avidly followed the latest doings and shenanigans of whoever happened to be threatening to destroy the world on that particular day.  Simply put, in every job I’ve ever had, I’ve been the Middle East guy.  Now, with what appears to be a chance to genuinely change the face of the Arab world, which will undoubtedly have far reaching effects on Israel and the United States, I just don’t care.  It’s kind of like your friend who swears he’ll never drink and drive again – after the fifth broken promise, you just stop paying attention, and even when he actually appears to be clearing up his act, you still barely get excited.  It also doesn’t help that, so far, the countries involved are ones I really don’t care about.  Tunisia?  Unless Dizzy Gillespie is leading the revolt, I don’t care.  Algeria?  I’ll give you five bucks if you can find it on a map.  Libya?  What is this, 1989?  Wake me when the fires reach Saudi Arabia or Iran, and then only if it causes the price of gas to go up (which it will).

2.  The budget:  OK, this one I really should care about, what with being a defense contractor and all, but again, I am so sick of listening to the fantastically hypocritical Republicans wail against the evils of government spending, all while the limp noodle (I’m cleaning up my language for Nat) Democrats just lie there, taking the beating like they just switched from a 4-3 to a 3-4 defense and didn’t bother to find a decent nose tackle and are now thinking about drafting a quarterback…(sorry, different post).  Seriously, Democrats, what on earth is wrong with you!?  Are you afraid of appearing to drop to the level of Republicans so you refrain from engaging with them on a baser level?  If that’s the case, then you might as well not even bother fundraising for 2012 because, guess what, this is America, where the quality of your argument means nothing compared to the volume at which you shout it.  Example:  The vast majority of our projected deficits are caused by the money that is going into Social Security, Medicare, and Medicaid.  And when I say the vast majority, I mean, the vast majority!  Like, 75%!  (speaking of which, how is it that Republicans are so good at getting people to care about such arcane issues?  First it was health care reimbursement premiums, now it’s the deficit?  Every Republican is now a policy wonk, which is funny because Republicans love nothing more than making fun of policy wonks, anyways…) So what do they focus on?  Funding for the arts, student loan programs, and urban renewal projects, some of which have a total yearly expenditure of $2,000,000.  Two million?  My office spends more than that on post it notes!  Let’s say we cut that entire program and gave the money back to the taxpayers – they would each receive .005 cents.  Yay!  The American dream is now within my grasp!  Democrats, why on earth aren’t you calling the Republicans out on this crap?  Why am I not seeing you guys running through the streets with your hair on fire screaming at the top of your lungs all the fantastic examples of Republican hypocrisy?  I remember thinking during the presidential debates of 2008 that Obama, for all his charm and charisma, simply didn’t know how to throw a knockout punch, which is why the democratic primary dragged on to the point of absurdity.  When people are getting excited about how the Puerto Rico vote will influence the outcome, it’s gone on too long.  Well, guess what, here we are two years later, and instead of knockout punches we’re getting a bunch of feints and jabs.  Meanwhile, the Republican’s have decided to quit boxing altogether and are simply bull rushing everyone in their way.

3.  Glee:  I’m really getting tired of this show.  Even the music is starting to suck.  I was willing to put up with the horrible plot / dialogue / character development so long as they kept belting out Bon Jovi and Journey, but apparently 80’s classic rock is no longer cool, as evidenced by how the cast now appears contractually obligated to make fun of the very songs that made them famous in the first place.   Now, their big thing is they are going to write their own song for Regionals.  I should be excited, but I simply don’t care.

 
You know what I do care about?  Poopy diapers.  Poopy diapers and spit up.  I guess most of my caring energy is going towards my son these days.  Wait a second…all this turmoil in the Middle East might somehow affect the security of the United States, and my son lives in the United States…uh oh…I had better start following the Middle East again.  Wait another second, the budget battles will severely affect the role of government and how tax money is spent, which will affect college costs, and since I want my son to go to college (and not all on my dime) I had better start following the budget battles more closely…and Glee…they say it’s good for a baby’s development if he listens to music at an early age, and my son is developing…and…screw it, Glee, you still suck.

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One comment

  1. The Middle East, the budget, and Glee? You sure you’re not a Republican?



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