Archive for the ‘movies’ Category

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Disaster movies

April 27, 2009
So close...

So close...

This weekend I watched the remake of ‘The Day the Earth stood still.’  Terrible.  I was with it all the way until the end when Keanu decided that humans were worth saving.  What a load of crap!  When will they make a disaster movie that caters to the segment of the population that wants to see humanity get wiped out!  Huh?!  I’m not saying I’m eagerly anticipating the day the human race goes extinct, I’m just saying that from the earth’s perspective, we’re like a houseguest that has over stayed our welcome – all six billion of us.  Think of it this way:  Everything on this planet exists in perfect balance with everything else – except for us.  The entire system is self-regulating – the ultimate proof of the feasibility of free markets – but then homo sapien comes along and throws the proverbial monkey wrench (pun intended) into the system and messes up the whole thing.  My theory as to why we keep making things worse is because at some point a little strand of dna mutated that left us with the desire not only to exist, but the desire to improve our existence.  And therein lies the problem (at least from the earth’s perspective).  Everything else on this planet simply wants to exist – to quote Homer, ‘all you do is sleep and eat and mate and sleep…where do I sign up?’  We, on the other hand, don’t seem content with that existence, and therefore we spend our days seeking ways to improve our existence, but unfortunately for the earth, since everything that happens on this planet is a zero-sum gain, the improvement of one comes at the expense of another.  I take great comfort in the idea that at some point humanity will go extinct, and the earth will forget all about us, and everything will go back to its perfectly self-regulating existence.  I take great comfort not because I like the idea of an impending apocalypse, I just like the idea that in the end, anything we do just isn’t that big a deal, and that eventually the earth will heal itself and start anew.  I just wish I could be around to see it – but since that would defeat the whole point, I’ll continue to wait for the movie.

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Michael Bay Movies

April 21, 2009
'I think we should see other people.'

'I think we should see other people.'

I just watched the trailer to Transformers 2.  At first I wasn’t sure if I was watching a clip from ‘Armageddon’ since the opening scene IS IDENTICAL!!!!  Is Michael Bay just phoning it in?!  Do all his movies have to start with giant fiery balls of goo destroying well known landmarks!?  And for that matter, what are the odds that the Eiffel Tower would always be the first thing on this earth to get blown up by giant hunks of burning space crap flying through our atmosphere?!  I mean, come on!  The Eiffel Tower isn’t that big!  Not only that, but it isn’t even solid – you would think at least one of these fiery balls would fly through the tower without hitting anything right?!  Were the French mean to Michael Bay when he was backpacking around Europe after film school?  Is that why?  Ugh.  Anyways.

Watching Michael Bay’s movies is like being involved in a self-destructive relationship:  You go to the movie, hate it, swear you’ll never watch another one again, then some time goes by and the DVD gets released, and you say to yourself, ‘Oh, it wasn’t that bad, maybe we can still be friends.’  So now you own a copy of a crappy movie that you didn’t like, and some more time goes by, and before you know it the sequel comes out, and you think back to all the good times you had, and you think, maybe we can make it work this time, so you go to see the movie, and within the first five minutes you remember exactly why you broke up in the first place, but too late, you’ve already bought your ticket so you might as well stay for the whole thing.  And on and on and on…until one day you wake up, look at your DVD collection and realize that Armageddon and Transformers are still in the plastic wrapper…2 years later!  And that’s when you realize it’s time to break up for good…but the box is so shiny…and you love seeing things get blown up…oh, maybe I’ll just skip to the good scenes, maybe it’ll work this time…hey, is that a dinobot in the new Transformers movie…I love dinobots!  Oh, Michael, I can never be mad at you!