I just watched the trailer to Transformers 2. At first I wasn’t sure if I was watching a clip from ‘Armageddon’ since the opening scene IS IDENTICAL!!!! Is Michael Bay just phoning it in?! Do all his movies have to start with giant fiery balls of goo destroying well known landmarks!? And for that matter, what are the odds that the Eiffel Tower would always be the first thing on this earth to get blown up by giant hunks of burning space crap flying through our atmosphere?! I mean, come on! The Eiffel Tower isn’t that big! Not only that, but it isn’t even solid – you would think at least one of these fiery balls would fly through the tower without hitting anything right?! Were the French mean to Michael Bay when he was backpacking around Europe after film school? Is that why? Ugh. Anyways.
Watching Michael Bay’s movies is like being involved in a self-destructive relationship: You go to the movie, hate it, swear you’ll never watch another one again, then some time goes by and the DVD gets released, and you say to yourself, ‘Oh, it wasn’t that bad, maybe we can still be friends.’ So now you own a copy of a crappy movie that you didn’t like, and some more time goes by, and before you know it the sequel comes out, and you think back to all the good times you had, and you think, maybe we can make it work this time, so you go to see the movie, and within the first five minutes you remember exactly why you broke up in the first place, but too late, you’ve already bought your ticket so you might as well stay for the whole thing. And on and on and on…until one day you wake up, look at your DVD collection and realize that Armageddon and Transformers are still in the plastic wrapper…2 years later! And that’s when you realize it’s time to break up for good…but the box is so shiny…and you love seeing things get blown up…oh, maybe I’ll just skip to the good scenes, maybe it’ll work this time…hey, is that a dinobot in the new Transformers movie…I love dinobots! Oh, Michael, I can never be mad at you!