Archive for June, 2010

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Russian Spies

June 30, 2010

In honor of the Russian Spy ring that was recently busted I’d like to offer a nice little story about the good old days, when the war was cold and the women were hot.  (As opposed to today, where the war is hot and the women are…well, it’s hard to tell when their faces are covered.)

The story goes that when the Soviet Union started using ‘honey traps’ to blackmail foreign officers (honey traps were beautiful women trained by the Soviet Union to seduce men and have sex with them while being videotaped) they also figured they could double their collection efforts by training men to seduce foreign women.  After a year of both these programs being up and running they decided it just wasn’t cost effective to train both men and women so they sat down to figure out which program to cut.  It didn’t take long for the budget analysts to realize that whereas the costs associated with the men seducing women included extensive grooming to make the men look presentable, training them to act sophisticated, buying them expensive clothes, picking up the tab at an expensive restaurant, and buying the woman drinks, flowers, and other gifts, the costs associated with women seducing men were $5 worth of makeup and a bottle of vodka.  Guess which program got cancelled.

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Metro Advertisement

June 28, 2010

I love the adds around the Crystal City / Pentagon metro stations.  Today we had one for Boeing, one for Lockheed Martin, one for Raytheon…and one for Mary Poppins! 

“Just a spoonful of sugar makes the defense contract go down, in the least efficient way…catchy!”

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Watch out for any general with ‘mc’ in their name…

June 22, 2010

I know, I know…Macarthur is spelled ‘Mac’ not ‘Mc.’  Still, close enough…

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New career, perhaps?

June 14, 2010

Well, I finally feel as if I am somewhat taking control of my future.  For years (since high school, actually) I have actively nourished the dream of becoming a photographer.  Lately, that dream has taken the form of moving out to Utah and exploring the great American West as a nature photographer.  Sadly, life is what it is and we all must walk the path laid out for us, even if the person who laid out that path doesn’t really seem to exist anymore.  Anyways, with that said, I actually took the first of many concrete steps yesterday (by ‘concrete’ I mean ‘spent money.’) to one day become a full-time photographer.  www.maxwellphotographydc.com is now up and running!  I’m very excited.  Even if nothing happens I’m still excited at the idea of regaining some control over my future.  Now where did I leave those hiking boots…

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Stupid hat acronyms

June 11, 2010

The guy who sells crap on the street near my office had a hat that said “CIA” and under the acronym it said “Christ In Action.”  I wonder what other fun Christian themed acronyms we can come up with for federal agencies:

FBI:  Faith Based Insurgencies

DIA:  Divinely Initiated Apocalypse

NSA:  No Satanic Assistance

EPA:  Enabled Pontiffs in Action

ICE:  Initiating Christian Efforts

DIJ:  Don’t inflame Jesus

IRS:  Inhibiting and Reallocating Satan

ATF:  Angels Transcendentalism and Faith or Angels Transcendentalism and Firearms or Angels Tobacco and Firearms or…let’s not kid ourselves, Alcohol Tobacco and Firearms is pretty Christian sounding to begin with.

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Skateboarder

June 7, 2010

On my way to work I saw a middle-aged guy in a full suit skateboarding down a major street ducking in and out of traffic.  Ballsy.  Stupid, but Ballsy.  (Anyone know where that line is from?)